Children look at the world much differently than we do as adults. Much of what they actually understand and how a child will psychologically react to a divorce depends upon the age of the child, but age is not the only factor. In general, a toddler will not be able to understand as much as a five year old and a school-aged boy will not handle his emotions the same way his teenager sister will. (Oesterreich, 1998.) An infant has no understanding at all and therefore will not show any emotions to the situation at all. Besides age, there are three other factors that can help us understand how a child will react to divorce. These three factors are: (1) the quality of the relationship that had with each of their parents before the divorce and how well they are able to communicate with the child, (2) the intensity and duration of parental conflicts, and (3) how well the parents were able to turn their attention to the needs of the child (Corcoran, 1997).
What are some actually effects of divorce on a child?
A child that sees his or her parents going through a divorce might display a wide range of emotions. Most children will grow angry and depending upon the child's age, will depend on how they express pain. They may turn their anger inward and withdraw themselves from people within their surroundings. Others may slash out and turn their anger outwards, such as fail in school or get in trouble with the law. A child might also hold themselves responsible to why his or her parents are getting a divorce and in turn, the child tries to improve their behavior hoping that it such might save the marriage. Some will even experience short or long periods of depression and fear abandonment.
"Researchers claimed that children with depression and conduct disorders showed indications of those problems pre-divorce because of parental conflict pre-divorce. Researchers now view conflict, rather than the divorce or residential schedule, as the single most critical determining factor in children's post-divorce adjustment. The children who succeed after divorce, have parents who can communicate effectively and work together as parents (Corcoran, 1997)." How a child may be impacted by divorce has nothing do with whether the child is a boy or girl. Children will suffer equally, they just differ on how they will suffer.
How can you improve the effects of divorce on a child?
Keeping open communication is the key to improving the effects of a divorce on a child. Being very involved as a parent allows for realistic and better balanced future relationships. If both parents are able to communicate in a respectable manner in front of the child and still have family activities with both parents involved, this will also help a child overcome a divorce. It is important that both parents maintain an active role in a child's life because a child learns how to be in a relationship from their parents. If they have a strong relationships amongst their parents, they will mostly likely succeed in future relationships.
How did my parents divorce affect me?
My parents divorce really didn't affect me that much. I think it affected my little brother more because do this day, he still has a hard time figuring out why they decided to get an divorce. I, on the other hand, felt a since of relief because I thought my parents constant arguing was getting out of control and it bothered me more to see them argue about everything and upset all the time than to see them separated and happy. Throughout my parents divorce, I tend to stay away from the house and hang out more with my friends because my friends acted more as support than my own parents did.
References:
Divorce Matters: A Child's View. Lesia Oesterreich, M.S. June 1998. Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University. November 13, 2007. http://www.nncc.org/Parent/childview.html
Kathleen O'Connell Corcoran. "Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce." Mediate.com. November 13, 2007. http://www.mediate.com/articles/psych.cfm
What are some actually effects of divorce on a child?
A child that sees his or her parents going through a divorce might display a wide range of emotions. Most children will grow angry and depending upon the child's age, will depend on how they express pain. They may turn their anger inward and withdraw themselves from people within their surroundings. Others may slash out and turn their anger outwards, such as fail in school or get in trouble with the law. A child might also hold themselves responsible to why his or her parents are getting a divorce and in turn, the child tries to improve their behavior hoping that it such might save the marriage. Some will even experience short or long periods of depression and fear abandonment.
"Researchers claimed that children with depression and conduct disorders showed indications of those problems pre-divorce because of parental conflict pre-divorce. Researchers now view conflict, rather than the divorce or residential schedule, as the single most critical determining factor in children's post-divorce adjustment. The children who succeed after divorce, have parents who can communicate effectively and work together as parents (Corcoran, 1997)." How a child may be impacted by divorce has nothing do with whether the child is a boy or girl. Children will suffer equally, they just differ on how they will suffer.
How can you improve the effects of divorce on a child?
Keeping open communication is the key to improving the effects of a divorce on a child. Being very involved as a parent allows for realistic and better balanced future relationships. If both parents are able to communicate in a respectable manner in front of the child and still have family activities with both parents involved, this will also help a child overcome a divorce. It is important that both parents maintain an active role in a child's life because a child learns how to be in a relationship from their parents. If they have a strong relationships amongst their parents, they will mostly likely succeed in future relationships.
How did my parents divorce affect me?
My parents divorce really didn't affect me that much. I think it affected my little brother more because do this day, he still has a hard time figuring out why they decided to get an divorce. I, on the other hand, felt a since of relief because I thought my parents constant arguing was getting out of control and it bothered me more to see them argue about everything and upset all the time than to see them separated and happy. Throughout my parents divorce, I tend to stay away from the house and hang out more with my friends because my friends acted more as support than my own parents did.
References:
Divorce Matters: A Child's View. Lesia Oesterreich, M.S. June 1998. Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University. November 13, 2007. http://www.nncc.org/Parent/childview.html
Kathleen O'Connell Corcoran. "Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce." Mediate.com. November 13, 2007. http://www.mediate.com/articles/psych.cfm
5 comments:
I'm glad to see that you wrote about the effect divorce has on children. Most married couples do not understand that it is an extremely stressful experience for children. Not just that, but as they grow up in this type of environment, it has an affect on their upbringing. I think that one of the most important things for people to understand is that divorce affects all children differently, depending on their gender age and stage of development. I don't know how people (married couples) do not understand this, and if they do understand this, why do they still take such a huge step, especially when it involves their children. This is a sad and emotional discussion. To help you out, I found a website that will give you more information on divorce effects on children. It focuses about the long-term effects, and the ages of children that would most likely be effected. Very helpful information. Here is the website: http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm
You know I can really support the information you stated from personal experience. My aunt and uncle married of 20 years got a divorce. I think what was so hard about the whole thing was it was so unexpected. When I think of divorce first thing in my mind is they are always arguing and it is just a bad environment for the children, but they never fought. My two cousins were in their teens and I am very close with them, they bottled up a lot of emotions. Finally blaming it all on their mom, they felt the need to blame someone for it. Rather than themselves it was their mom because she was always working. It was a sad thing, why do you think people mainly get divorces? Lose the love? Fighting? I wonder what is main reason why people claim they get a divorce.
This is a nice dual-purpose post. We get some child psychology data on how divorce affects kids of all ages, and then you briefly discuss your parents' divorce. But a big connection is missing: how old were you when your parents divorced? Put your experience into the data and see if it works...
It was nice to see that you looked at the other side of the divorce. Like Kanwaly said, most people do not think of how it will affect the children. There are a lot of things that children go through with a dovorce. I was only 3 when my parents divorced, so I do not remember it at all. I do remember growing up wondering why my parents weren't together, but that was about all. I feel that you followed through with your idea pretty good. I was left wondering how old you were when your parents divorced though. Is it because you were older that it did not bother you as it might of other children? Hopefully, my children will never have to go through a divorce between me and their dad, but if it does happen, it is nice to now be equipped with the tools to help them through this.
From Marjorie,
Hi McKenzy,
For sure,divorce has a great impact on children. I agree with you , divorce affects each child differently depend on the relation with their parents. I think people should consider to have another option before they go to divorce. Most of the time, the children are the losers.
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